The MomShift: On The Huff Post

I’m getting ready for the October launch of the MomShift profiles (so blog action might be a bit slow!) but I wanted to share what I wrote in today’s Huffington Post – full text below!

Working Parents Need Real Choices – Regardless of Test Scores

While paying for my groceries last week, I had one of those moments that viscerally reminded me about why an issue I support from a policy level, matters so much on a personal level.

As my exhausted-looking cashier was ringing me through, I listened to her describe to her co-worker how she’d missed lunch because she had no childcare for the summer.

During her break, she’d taken the bus to go pick up her son from a neighbour’s house and then taken him to a friends place across the city. The neighbour had now started working afternoon shifts, so she would have to do this until school started.

Her story stayed with me as I picked up my own kids from their downtown daycare (where getting our two unsubsidized spots seemed had like a triumph against the odds).

And this mom’s story was what came to my mind when I read the findings of a recent study examining the impact of Quebec’s universal childcare program.

In 1997 Quebec implemented a low-cost universal child-care policy, which was the first of its kind in North America. Last year there were 210,000 subsidized spots available, at a cost of just seven dollars per day. According to Stats Canada, the average monthly cost of all-day care five days a week for a four-year-old in Montreal is approximately $205 versus an average of $800 in Toronto.

When Quebec first implemented subsidized day-care, the policy had two main goals: the first was to increase the number of mothers in the workforce and the second, was to enhance the academic prospects of children from low-income families.

On the first goal the policy has been overwhelming success, it’s the second that’s at issue.
The study tested the children school readiness using the Peabody Pictures and Vocabulary Test (PPVT). This is an oral test used to gauge verbal ability. The scores of the Quebec children were then compared to the nationwide results of 10,000 four-year-olds and 18,000 five-year-olds.

The results, which were described in one article as “explosive” found that while there is no significant impact on the 4-year-old group, among 5-year-olds, PPVT scores were down by 4.9 points, leading the three Montreal researchers behind the study to declare that “the picture is not quite what it should be for a policy that seeks to increase early literacy skills and better prepare children for school.”

However, the study and these results are controversial. To begin with, the findings have yet to be peer reviewed (and contradict international studies on the topic). Most tellingly, the quality of the daycare was not factored into the comparison of the children’s language performance.

The question of funding universal day care has always been emotional and decisive. Most likely the findings of this study have already made its way into the arsenal of those opposed to the universal daycare plan and will remain there regardless of what the peer review board ultimately finds.

The last attempt at a national childcare plan was just before the minority Martin government fell in 2005 (when the federal government had managed to sign deals with each province).

However, when Prime Minister Harper came to power in January 2006, the system was scrapped and replaced with the current system of giving parents a monthly $100 for each child under six. The Conservative government likes to say that they took money from bureaucrats and lobbyists and gave it to the real experts on daycare, “Mom and Dad.”

I’m a mother of two under the age of six and can, as an “expert” tell you that the $200 a month buys less than three days of childcare whether its from a nanny or daycare.

Which brings me back to the cashier.

Even if this study is correct, and lets say that test scores do go down, how much does it really matter if mothers who have to work know that their kids are safe, with other children their own age and engaged in some constructive activities?

Undoubtedly, like most public or private initiatives, daycares in Quebec could probably do more to support school readiness. But, currently, they are still providing the kind of accessible support that most Canadians families need and can’t find.

Part of the problem is that our current discussion on childcare is based on false choices, as though the majority of mothers have the financial option to opt out of working — which is not the case.

According to 2010 data from Catalyst Canada, 62.4 per cent of all women ages 15 and older worked. And although women continue to earn an average of 71.3 per cent of men’s earnings, of married families, 42 per cent of wives earned approximately the same or more than their husbands. Forty-three per cent of wives earned at least 45 per cent of the family total income and 18 per cent of dual earner wives are their family’s primary breadwinners (defined as bringing in more than 55 per cent of household income) when measured in hourly earnings.

This data doesn’t include the 21 per cent of female lone parents and over 606,000 children under 1 who are defined by Statistics Canada as living in low income.

In absence of available and affordable daycare spots, parents are forced to patch together what they can through friends and family or resort to unlicensed, home-care options.

I know we’re in a moment where big national programs seem almost ’70s retro and out of step with the prevailing anti-government mood and many believe that even if they wanted to, government can’t and shouldn’t be trusted to do big things.

But a national daycare plan doesn’t take choices away from parents who prefer (and can afford) to stay home, to hire a nanny or enlist in the support of extended family. What it does, is give better choices to those with few other options and help protect vulnerable children from becoming more so.

Celebrity Working Moms: Helping or Hurting?

Jada Pinkett Smith is on this month’s cover of Redbook magazine talking about the career sacrifices she’s made to support her family and their ambitions. Posh (Victoria Beckham), who in her current incarnation is a designer and soon to be mother to her fourth child was recently quoted saying, “Maternity leave? What’s that?”

These days celebrity working moms are an industry to themselves (the post baby weight loss stories alone are the mainstay of several tabloids!) but in addition to style and workout tips, celebrity moms frequently share their perspective and experiences managing careers and families.

But can celebrity working moms ever be genuine role models for the rest of us? And, are they helping or hurting the broader cultural framework of this discussion?

The charge against celebrity moms is that they set unrealistic expectations and that, as a result of their celebrity have financial options, support and flexibility that the majority of working mothers can’t even begin to imagine.  The criticism is that, as much as they might try, they are out of touch with the experience of “real” moms.  (Case in point:  Gwenyth Paltrow’s advice on managing work and family in her newsletter GOOP.)

One of the initial motivating forces behind  The MomShift was the observation that the only positive post baby career stories I seemed to hear or notice featured celebrity working Moms like Gwenthy & co.  And while possibly interesting (her kids actually swallow lemon flax??), these stories were not all that helpful or inspirational for real women.  If anything, they could have the opposite effect.

But even though the advice and stories of celebrity Moms are often not all that helpful, I do think some celebrity Moms (hello Tina Fey!) can help push this issue forward, both through their work and their public persona’s.  As well, many  celebrity Moms are unintentional spokespeople for two important ideas about working parents today, specifically that:

1. It’s About More Than Money: If you ever read the comments underneath an article on a working celebrity moms, the viciousness of them will shock you.  The common theme of these attacks is that since celebrity Moms generally don’t have to work, they should stop if they feel torn between kids and their “job”.  This is a topic for another post, but while work for many of us is motivated by the need to pay the bills, very often, there is more to it than that (which is why lottery winners often keep working).  Its part of our identity and it gives us purpose.  The financial privilege and media scrutiny of celebrity moms means that currently, they are often the main spokespeople for this reality and the idea that you can feel conflicted, but still love what you do and want to keep doing it.

2. Even Oscar Winners Struggle: You can be successful, in fact you can be an Oscar winning global celebrity and it still doesn’t mean you have it “all balanced” because parenting and careers are ever changing and so adjustments are always happening.

The good news?  Being a great mother and having a successful career (whether You are celebrity or not) doesn’t actually require you to have it figured or balanced out…

The Fatherhood Factor: A Tipping Point?

I’m deliberately late on my Father’s Day post.

The reason?

I thought I should wait until after the holiday to say that I’m happy that it increasingly seems as though Dad’s today are struggling to manage their work and family commitments.

The reality is that as long as work -life balance and alternative work options are considered “woman’s issues” no real cultural change will happen.   So the fact that fathers are now worried about parenthood, ambition  and managing careers as an involved father - can only be a good thing.

In one recent article examining whether being a good Dad ruins your career, Mike a father of three commented that, “Men are now in the position that women were in 10 years ago, torn between home and office.”

Boston College’s Center for Work and Family, recently released a report based on a poll of nearly 1,000 professional fathers from Fortune 500 companies called,  “The New Dad: Caring, Committed and Conflicted,” which concluded that, “Today’s dads associate being a good father just as much with the role of effective caregiver as the traditional role of ‘breadwinner’,” and that “These men want to be engaged parents and successful professionals, yet find conflicts as they try to achieve both objectives.”

And so, we have reached the milestone where, as a result of work life balance issues, working fathers are now almost as stressed as their wives. (Although I have to point out that, unlike mothers who face a financial penalty for having children, employers tend to view dads as being more committed and as a result, they tend to earn on average $6000 more than equally qualified men without children.)

So where to from here?  Well of course, two equally stressed parents isn’t an improvement.  It’s worse.

But my hope is that the rise in fathers feeling frustrated by narrow work arrangements and limited choices will become the tipping point for a genuine broader cultural change that allows both men and women to enjoy more work and family options and without facing a career penalty for doing so.

Summer Beach Reads: Overanalyzed

I just booked a summer beach holiday for the family.  And of course vacations mean beach reading, which had me thinking about books from summers and beaches past – and how the issue of careers and family are framed in popular fiction…

Eight summers ago, newly engaged and lying on a beach in Goa, my beach read was the Allison Pearson novel, I Don’t Know How She Does It.  This fall it’s being released as a chick flick,  starring Sarah Jessica Parker.  Even though its not out yet, the movie is already become a lightening rod for the debate on how working mothers are portrayed.   I remember the book as a quick read, parts of which made me laugh but overall what I remember, is how much I hated the ending.  Not sure what the movie does, but in the book,  the main character, a busy finance executive, realizes that (big surprise!) a career and family are not compatible and so she leaves her job, and they move to the country. It’s a classic cop out ending  that reminded of a watered down version of the Diane Keaton movie, Baby Boom. In this 80′s classic, the busy executive inherits a random baby (yup, really)  and then realizes that mother/guardian hood is incompatible with her busy career and super yuppie boyfriend.  So, she leaves Wall Street and moves to the country.  Soon a hot vet and an organic apple sauce company are in the picture…

But back to books.

A much better and more nuanced look at these issues is Meg Wolitzer’s The Ten Year Nap.  I recently re-read this story of four SAHM’s struggling with questions about their identity, life purpose, unused potential and precarious financial situations.  Each had started with a career that seemed filled with promise, but gave it up when they had their children.  Ten years in, their kids are actively seeking more independence and the women are in the seemingly privileged position of choosing: what next. I first read it on a rocky beach in Sarnia and it struck me as a warning, a reminder of how a series of small decisions, gradually erode ambition, passion and can ultimately leave you asking:  how did this become my life?

While the Ten Year Nap deals with family/career issues of women a decade after becoming mothers, Little Earthquakes a novel by Jennifer Weiner looks at many of these same questions but in the time frame of that first year after having a baby.  In classic chick lit form it centers around a group of female friends, all new mothers as they navigate their lives, careers, relationships and identities in that turbulent first year.  I read it on my first baby free vacation.  It was a year after my eldest son was born and I was on a beach in California.  Quite a bit of wine was involved, but what I remember was that the book had a  sense of familiarity to it, since the character’s observations, thoughts and struggles all seemed very close to what I had just experienced.

Danielle Steel, the grand dame of the beach read, always has a book out on current issues and this is no exception.  In her 46th (!) novel Bittersweet she looks at the toll that choosing between family or career takes on women.  The heroine a suburban mother of four, has given up her photography career but wants to find a way to get back to it.  This decision ultimately results in the breakdown of her marriage (her husband is a weirdly rigid character) but not to worry, a billionaire with an amazing yaught is there to step in…

Anyway, I haven’t yet decided on this summers beach read but Lisa Belkin who writes the Motherlode blog for the New York Times has just started a book club, the first pick TORN: True Stories of Kids, Careers and the Conflict of Modern Motherhood sounds great, and very apt for the MomShift project.   Although for the beach, I think something lighter, that goes well with sun, wine and sand is needed….ideas accepted….

Career Wise: Is It Better To Be a Younger or Older Mom?

Forget the old adage about staying away from religion and politics, if you want to get an emotional conversation going raise the question of when is the best time to have kids?

Because despite the cliche that really, there is no “perfect” time to have a baby,  the crass question of  whether it’s “better” to be an older or younger mom is an emotional one regularly debated in blogs, papers and talk shows.

The  overarching trend is that women are having kids later, a shift that is impacting  fertility family dynamics and celebrity culture .

Leaving aside the health and financial issues for the moment, from the perspective of post-baby career success, is there any specific advantage to being an older or younger mother?

One common view is that being more senior and established professionally should make post baby success easier.  Certainly, the unspoken convention in professional services industries like law and management consulting used to be that if a women was serious about her career, she didn’t have a baby until she reached partner track.  This “pre-mommy” mentality extends beyond these professions to describe younger women deliberately working much harder than their male peers in an effort to establish themselves and “bank” career points – before they go on maternity leave.

When I was in law school, there were several “mature students” in my year.  Looking back, these women were probably in their early 40′s at the most.  And they had kids, who were around 10 and 11.  At the time, in my early 20′s, blissfully naive and convinced I had it all figured out, I thought this seemed backwards.  Since becoming a parent, I’ve always wondered about those women – my guess, is that after some initial hiring hurdles, they are all enjoying interesting and successful legal careers.

So if you want to have a close family and successful career – should you have the kids early or later when you’re more established?   Career advice blogger, Penelope Trunk,  puts it this way: you have your whole life to get a career, but that it not true for a baby.  However, a stable relationship, a means of financial support, all of these tend to be tough when you are young and having a baby without them, is of course possible, but probably not the best decision.

Sylvia Ann Hewitt‘s research suggests that regardless of when a woman becomes a mother,  just by becoming one, she’ll face a career setback and if she steps away or “ramps down”  then for the rest of her professional life she’ll face an enormous fine in terms of both cash and career arc, punishment for going outside of what she calls “the male career competitive model” which is built on a bedrock of unbroken service.   For her, change will come through demographics.  Specifically, falling birthrates combined with huge numbers of retiring baby-boomers will lead to what Hewlett calls “shortfalls in the talent pipeline”.

The MomShift interviews, are of course, focused on positive success stories and what I’ve found, is that:  post-baby success can happen just as easily with older as with younger Moms and that very few of my 135 post-baby success stories actually planned their babies around their careers or the other way around.

Women who waited until they were more senior and established, said that it gave them greater control over their schedule, a proven track-record and an established professional brand.  They also frequently referenced the belief that having kids later allowed to have a better sense of who they were and what post-baby success meant to them.

MomShifters who had their kids younger described the advantage of babies during their twentysomething wilderness years, “getting it out of the way” so to speak as they were finding what it is they wanted to really do professionally. For some this meant babies while they were in professional or graduate school or as they were testing out different careers. For others they took time to be home, then got back in to workforce and were still only in their late twenties. Several have spoke about the advantage of having children who were older and more independent as they were reaching the age and career stage that put them in the running for more senior roles.  For several interviewees, their children were what inspired them to achieve more professionally whether this meant increasing their finances, finding work with more meaning  or returning to school or training to be able to achieve more professionally.

The lesson that I’ve taken from these stories is that there is no right answer and that most women do have many more options than they realize.  Careers, like families are very personal and individual, and decisions on when or how, can’t be prescribed by career counselors, media commentators or colleagues.

Family & The Family Business

The Ultimate Family/Business Combo: The Kardashian Clan

So, I’m back from my campaign hiatus and have been thinking about family businesses.

For the last 6+ weeks, my husband and I had put all the commitments of our professional lives on hold and during that time, we were effectively running a family start-up.  From building a website, finding an office, bringing a staff together, and of course, getting the campaign started, we had never worked such long hours on anything together.

Not only that, but the rest of our family got involved as well.

My parents came to stay with us during the week to keep the kids on a semblance of a schedule.  My brother and sister in law were at the campaign office most evenings. My Dad was there every afternoon, putting up signs and canvassing.

It was the closest experience I’d ever had to working in or with a family business, which was interesting because during the campaign, I also had the chance to meet with many of the family businesses in the area, brother and sister duos running multi-million manufacturing businesses, family law firms and food shops.

There was something incredibly appealing about the ability to create the work or office environment you want and (in theory) have more control over both your family and career life.

Now of course,  its not that easy or straight forward. The reality is that  work life balance is even more difficult when its your company and your colleagues are your family.

Plus since individually both family and business are often difficult to navigate,  combined together, they bring an entirely new set of political and economic tensions (the recent memoir My Korean Deli gives a snapshot of all of this plus some cultural clash for good measure).

But from The MomShifters I’ve spoken with so far – a career built at a family business, does bring several distinct advantages.

First, you’re the boss or you’re related to the boss.   Either way, it means (at least in theory), that you should have more flexibility on when and how work gets done and hopefully face less of a career penalty for traditional career obstacles like time off for maternity leave.  Of course, odds are that if its your family business, you’ll have less chance to actually have a conventional maternity leave.

A family business also faced greater financial vulnerability in tough economic times and brings with it an entirely new set family related gender issues.issues.

Still, I’m starting love the idea of having one. And in the meantime, hearing some more stories of MomShifters who are working in or heading up one.

On Being A Campaign Wife, Not A Candidate

Here in Canada, there are just 21 days till our next national election and this time I’m personally involved.  All my other professional commitments have been put on pause so I can be on the campaign trail. But no, I’m not the candidate, instead, I’m playing the role beloved by sitcoms, books and tabloids: that of the political wife.

I’m excited for Rana and proud that he’s a candidate, but the slight irony between The MomShift goals and my current  role as the traditional supportive sidekick with a friendly smile (and yes, the occasional and inevitable pearls)  is not lost on me.

This and the recent death of Geraldine Ferraro have both had me thinking about the larger role of women in politics, what’s changed, what hasn’t and why.

While we have high profile female politicians like Hillary Clinton and (shudder!)  Sarah Palin, overall political representation by women remains low.  Currently in the US , there are 76 women in the US House of Representatives and 17 in US Senate.  In the 2008 Canadian election a record 68 women were elected, putting Canada in 52nd place in terms of countries with the greatest number of women in their national legislatures.

So why are women giving politics a pass?  Well, work/life balance, the confrontational and partisan nature of politics and the media scrutiny that female candidates receive are among the reasons usually given.

But even when they do step in, often the odds are stacked against them.  In this election, there is a better representation of women than in previous campaigns (31% of confirmed candidates are women) but take a closer look, and many of those candidates are running in areas where, regardless of the caliber of their work or credentials, odds are they just won’t win.

So yes, its great to have more women in the system.  But the fact is that men still tend to be the ones appointed or nominated  in the areas where the party or riding association thinks they can win.  And so the question is, how do you change this and what causes it?

For the past three weeks as I have been canvassing, attending riding and party meetings and just observing the strategy and operations required to launch a campaign, I’ve been thinking a great deal about how we can effectively get more women involved in the political process.

I have two ideas on this.  The first, is that we need to get women into the party system when they’re young.   My husband has been actively involved in politics and with the Liberal party for over 23 years.   This means that he has the networks, resources and party profile that can support his candidacy.   Of course, apathy among young voters is a challenge.   As is the reality that for many young women, female politicians just aren’t seen as  aspirational role models.

The second is for parties to specifically focus on recruiting women into politics at a slightly later life stage.  Partly because (as we’re finding out first hand) family demands are probably easier to manage when the kids are older, but also because the political environment seems to be (slightly) better to women when they are older. Of course this means, that unless they’ve been involved in politics in the years in between, they’re probably going to be at an disadvantage.

In any case, post election I’m lined up to interview several women who achieved political success in the immediate years after having children, so I’ll be looking to their insights and stories to shed light on this question and my suggested answers.  As for me, I’m enjoying my crash course in front line campaign politics, after all, being the spouse, is an amazing learning opportunity for later…

The Power of Editors: Diversity In The Newsroom

We know that newsroom diversity (or a lack of it) impacts issues and shapes the stories we hear, over time creating an accepted cultural narrative.

For a quick snapshot of the impact  that the lack of media diversity has had, take a look at the organizations advocating to change the stereotypes that its left us with (two of my favorites: the Black Daddies Club which is a movement to change the negative media image of black fathers and the Womens Media Center, their tag-line, “Amplifying women’s voices. Changing the conversation.” just says it all).

For me, it was the now infamous and disappointing way in which the New York Times covered the brutal rape of an 11 year old girl that brought to mind the need for more diversity in the newsroom, specifically at the editorial level.  And which also got me thinking about how lack of  newsroom diversity, well racial diversity to be specific, impacts the  MomShift  issues of: women, careers and post-baby professional success.

For instance,the media stories on the topic are overwhelming defined by the struggles  and concerns of professional, middle class women.  Take the entire debate on the “choice” to return to work, it presumes a partner, who is willing and able to support the family.

Almost entirely absent from the larger mainstream discussion are the stories of immigrant woman and those outside the so called “professional” strata.  And while, I don’t believe its intentional the result is the same.  Overlooked stories and absent view points.

I recently experienced how this happens and with it, the reminder of  how important diversity at the editorial and production level really is.

A magazine editor I was working with, a wonderful women who gets the MomShift goals and why we need to hear these positive stories  suggested removing one of the interviews from the piece.  For her, this woman’s story didn’t resonate because,  “Really, no one can be working that hard, it sounds made up.”

It wasn’t.  The story in question was about a recent immigrant who, with a  1 year old in tow, was doing her MBA full time and working five nights a week.  Her husband was doing the same. Finances were tight and they had no family support in their new city.  The story ends well (today they both have excellent jobs and a second child) but it didn’t reflect the experiences of this editor or any of the women she knew,  so out it went.

So how do you change this?  Well, initiatives that are actively adding new viewpoints to mainstream issues by connecting time and resource pressed journalists to different perspectives  is a great start.  Part of the problem, (as I’m increasingly realizing)  is that  finding stories  from your own professional and social circle is dangerously  easy.

So far, I’ve interviewed  a few women who found post baby success while adapting to a new country, or who first had kids and then went to university or college to start their career, but only because their stories just happened to come my way.  But I’ve decided that for my target of the next 100 interviews, I am going to actively do my  small part to help bring more missing voices forward by  deliberately reaching out to new networks and organizations that can help me showcase that post baby professional success  is happening in all communities and among a diverse spectrum of women.

Ideas or suggestions on who to contact – very much welcome.  And since I edit this website, at least I know their profiles will be included here. I can’t promise anything on the grammar though.

Girl Power

I really want a daughter.  I even admit to considering trying one of those special diets that can apparently help you have one.  As my husband can attest, I have lots of reasons for wanting to have a girl (for the record, none have anything to do with clothes).

But one real reason is that I want my two boys to grow up with a sister.  In my view, boys with sisters (ideally that they are close to) are just better to and with women.  Yes, yes, of course there are exceptions.  But, as I talk about in my last book, my personal experience so strongly supports this theory that, when I was dating, having a sister was an actual must on my list for a serious relationship.

So I was interested to hear about the results of a new study which found that the gender wage gap decreased (by as much as 3 percentage points) when male CEO’s have a daughter.

Why? My view is that when an issue becomes personal, people change.  I’ve seen this first hand with The MomShift.

For the past 8 months I have been pitching for corporate sponsorship to support the project (and will take a moment to say thank you to ScotiaBank, Deloitte, Fraser Milner Casgrain LLP, KPMG and Ryerson University).

Anyway,  during the pitch and subsequent conversations, where the issue and goals of the project click for many of the older men in the room, is as it relates to their daughters.  Many of these senior men had stay at home wives  but invested a great deal of hope, ambition and money in their daughters education and future careers.  Imagine their confusion then, when they see their daughters opting out or ramping down after kids, because they “feel unsure how they will manage both.”

These Dads are disappointed but unsure what to do.  And as several specifically told me, the decision to support the MomShift  is the result of them feeling like perhaps positive stories like this could have helped their daughters feel like they had more options.

My hope?  That  if we do this right, they still can.

Are we too focused on maternity leave?

In discussions on work life balance or female talent retention, maternity or parental leave tends to take center stage.

But should it?

Here’s what I mean.  Yes, taking care of a newborn is all consuming and maternity leave is necessary to recover and adjust to everything that a new baby brings with him or her.

But could too much focus on the importance of maternity leave make it seem as though post mat leave, managing children and careers should be more straightforward?

Which of course it isn’t.  In fact, from what I’ve observed, I often wish I could postpone my maternity leave, using it instead when my kids are teenagers.

Older children just mean a different set of issues.  Once my kids (2 & 4) are at daycare, unless someone is sick or hurt, I don’t need to do much for them during the work day.

In contrast, I notice that colleagues with older children are often fielding calls, teacher meetings and mini crisis throughout the day.   Those with older parents, the “sandwich” generation are managing the dual challenge of elder care, along with the needs of their children.

My point?

It’s all about flexible work and understanding that culturally, we need to shift our thinking to solutions that allow people to manage life and work, at all its different stages and challenges and not just right after they have a baby.

Employers are getting there.  For instance, companies like Deloitte (full disclosure, they are a MomShift sponsor) and others offer customized solutions for different life stages.

However, a 2009 Catalyst study found that while senior level women and men showed a high interest in informal and formal flexible work arrangements, the actual number using them was very low.

At one point, the work culture frowned on women actually taking their maternity leave.

That shifted, so hopefully, soon this will also.